We are hoping to help you have these conversations with your kids and students. These are meant to be “best practices” but every situation is different. Hopefully these thoughts can help you as you navigate tricky conversations at home.
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Don’t have your son/daughter sit down at the kitchen table to have these conversations. Find a way to catch them when their walls are down. Take them after school to get their favorite Starbucks drink, throw the football in the backyard, or go out for a special parent/child dinner.
Lean on other trusted adults in their lives to help echo these conversations. Small group leaders, teachers, coaches, older siblings, etc. Can all be valuable resources to help drive home these messages in their lives.
Who should kids/students trust?
Our goal is to help kids/students navigate where to place trust and how much trust is appropriate to place. We want to talk about this through two different lenses. For younger kids we want to help them learn who they can trust from a safety standpoint. As kids move into their teenage years, we want to help them know who they can trust from an influence standpoint.
This conversation can’t go any further without being abundantly clear on one thing when it comes to trust. Jesus is the only one strong enough to hold your son/daughters heart without breaking it. We MUST help them understand that Jesus is the only one who will never fail them. Parents will fail, friends will fail, teachers will fail, but Jesus never fails! If kids put their full hope and trust in a human, it will end in pain at some point. Every conversation about who your kids can trust should always be run through the filter of, Jesus is the only one you can ever fully trust with your heart. So, let’s tackle how to have the “trust” conversation with kids and students!
How to talk to Kids about Trust
The younger they are, the more important it is that parents specifically identify people in their kids’ lives they can trust. People they can walk to the park with, people they can play in the yard with, or people they are allowed to get in a car with. Give them some buy in by allowing them to suggest people that they can trust in these ways. Help them know what to do if someone who isn’t on their “trusted” list asks them to play outside or, worst case, tries to put them in a car or bring them in their home. This way you help them navigate relationships, but also help protect them in their vulnerable years. Help them know the boundaries and limits of this trust. This can even become more serious when talking about car rides or spending the night at someone’s house. Help kids understand that while it might be someone they can trust, that they should NOT automatically do everything they ask. Give kids a safe place to always tell you if something weird, embarrassing, or scary happened with someone that they thought they could trust. All of this will help them process who they can trust, and what people can be trusted with. One warning… Be careful not to only do this out of fear. Make sure they understand how great it can be to have people to trust.
How to talk to teenagers about Trust
Most teenagers are old enough to know that not everyone is trustworthy. Obviously, parents should still have physical safety conversations with them. However, the more pressing matter for a teenager might me “Whose voice can I trust?”. The old saying “You are what you eat” is silly, but this version is very true for teenagers: “You are who you listen to.” We must help teenagers know whose voices they can trust. Identify people in their lives that they can talk to when they feel like they can’t talk to you. How can you find ways to make sure those voices are in their lives? Find Godly adults/mentors, and do whatever it takes to make sure your teenager is around them consistently. A recent study showed that one of the two key factors to whether a teenager stayed committed to their faith after high school was, if they had 3-5 adults not named “Mom/Dad” that poured into their lives consistently. One of the most important things you can do for your teenager is help them know what voices they should listen to, and find ways to get them around those voices.