Note: These pages are a list of topics that parents have asked for help navigating. These are not necessarily meant to be conversations that you should have with your kid/teen, but more helpful as you navigate parenting in general. These are designed to start the conversation, not answer ever issue that might surround it. Do more research! Follow up these ideas with a conversation with another trusted parent. Our goal is to start the conversation and help point you in the right direction. The goal is not to give you all the answer!

We know this isn’t for you because we know if you’re reading this you always agree with your spouse on everything.  Marriage.com ranks “kids” as one of the most frequent sources of debates in a marriage. A few other websites rank it as the #1 most common arguments in marriages. When to have kids? How many kids to have? When to discipline? How to discipline? What age should they ____? What should we force them to do vs. allow them to decide on their own? This list could go on and on forever!!! It’s probably hard for your family to decide on a restaurant, so of course there will be trouble deciding on parenting strategies. The thoughts below are not designed to KEEP you from having these disagreements, they are designed to help you DURING the disagreements. Here are a few tips:

Don’t be surprised!

Don’t be caught off guard when the person you married has a different parenting strategy. In a perfect world you might have talked through some of these issues prior to them coming up, but if you haven’t, don’t be afraid of this conversation. It’s healthy. It’s normal. It’s even good. If your kids get the best of your combined parenting, that is a huge win!

Knowing your own upbringing and your spouse’s upbringing matters!

It’s important to realize that how you were raised shaped who you are as a parent. You may be inclined to parent the way your parents did, or inclined to do the opposite! Either way, recognize that your parents shaped your view of parenting. The same is true for your spouse! They had a different upbringing and a different set of pre-disposed views on parenting. It should your goal to glean the best “do’s and don’ts” from both experiences.

What do we agree on?

More than likely you and your spouse agree on the end goal. You both agree that there should be punishment, but how that punishment is carried out can be a disagreement. You might both agree that school is important, but you might disagree what “important” means. When you disagree about how to parent, take time to acknowledge what you agree on! Try to agree BEFORE you disagree. Disagreeing is not bad or wrong, it’s natural, but when you focus too much on the disagreement it might feel like you’re further apart than you are.

How can we move forward together?

There is no easy answer here. There is no one size fits all solution. Here are some questions you can ask that will help you get closer: How passionately does your spouse feel about this? Sometimes one parent is very passionate about something that the other parent isn’t quite as passionate about. How could we compromise and meet in the middle on a decision? Sometimes there are ways to accomplish both of your views on this situation. Is this a situation that one spouse is better positioned to decide? For gender reasons or even personal experience reasons, one person might be in a better position to make a decision. No matter what, leave the conversation supporting the decision that you made together. If you are unable to come to a decision together, consider seeking a trusted, unbiased, outside voice that can help you navigate the situation!

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