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Don’t feel the pressure to have all the answers, it’s okay to say “I don’t know, let me get back to you on that.” Also, be sure to empathize with their question. A great way to lead into a convo like this could be by saying something like… “That’s such a good question, I’ve wrestled with that one as well.”
Don’t answer their questions immediately. Sounds backwards right? It’s a little bit of hyperbole, but the point is, ask them what they think about it before you give an answer. Force them to wrestle with it themselves before spoon feeding them an answer. This will help them flex spiritual muscles and help them learn to think critically for themselves.
What does the Bible Say about Sex and Marriage?
This is a question (especially in the teenage years) that should be managed with grace AND truth. The older kids get, the more likely this question comes from a place of shame rather than curiosity. We must answer these questions in a way elevates grace without diminishing truth.
Statement on the Biblical ethic for sex and marriage…
God designed sex to be between one man and one woman, in the context of marriage, for life. References to back this up: Genesis 2:24, 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Matthew 19:4-6, Mark 10:8-12, Hebrews 13:4. Jesus (Matthew 15:19, Mark 7:21) and Paul (1 Corinthians 6:18, Galatians 5:19) both speak of “Porneia” a broader Greek word to refer to forms of sexual activity outside of marriage.
Sex, Gender, and Marriage are good things!
God created sex. God created gender. God created marriage. And if God created them, then they are good! God only creates good things. Sex, gender, and marriage are written into God’s design. Not only for procreation, but also for a flourishing life at all levels. When God creates something, He cares about it. Which means that He puts some rules in place to protect them and the people they represent. When we approach this conversation, we must be clear that sex/gender/marriage are good things!! God made them, and therefore they are good!!
Our distortion of sex, gender, and marriage have messed them up!
God made it good, but our sin and desires have turned a good thing into something destructive. Sex outside of God’s guidelines? Someone is going to get hurt. Let’s use fire as an example, fire is extremely useful and has even been vital to sustaining life on earth. It’s good for cooking, warmth, and so much more. BUT, and that’s a big B-U-T, when fire is used outside of it’s intended purposes, it can be extremely harmful and destructive. When it comes to sex, gender, and marriage, we have played with too much fire. We’ve thought we could control it. We’ve thought we’ve known what’s best. We’ve thought it seemed like a good idea in the moment. It’s only later that we look back and see the burn path of destruction in our lives.
How do we live out a Biblical sexual ethic today?
Philippians 3:13-15. We press on toward Christ. We make His desires our desires. We set our sights on Him. Will we make mistakes? Yes! But we don’t make idols out of sex. We don’t put our identity in our gender or sexual orientation. We don’t marry flippantly, and divorce quickly based on our desires. We pursue Jesus in order to find our identity in him. When Jesus is the focus of our hearts, a clearer understanding of this Biblical ethic on sex becomes clear.
Helpful Articles and References
Christian Sexuality
Resources and discussions about sexuality from a Christian perspective.
A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Sex & Dating
An essential guide for parents navigating conversations on sex and dating.
Messy Grace - Caleb Kaltenbach
A book for parents on balancing grace and truth when addressing sexuality.
Center for Faith, Sexuality & Gender
A Christian organization dedicated to the topics of faith, sexuality, and gender.