Note: These pages are a list of topics that parents have asked for help navigating. These are not necessarily meant to be conversations that you should have with your kid/teen, but more helpful as you navigate parenting in general. These are designed to start the conversation, not answer ever issue that might surround it. Do more research! Follow up these ideas with a conversation with another trusted parent. Our goal is to start the conversation and help point you in the right direction. The goal is not to give you all the answer!

There are so many strategies for each of these issues. What age should my kids be allowed to watch PG-13 movies? When should they be allowed to have sleep overs? When should they be allowed to stay home alone? When should they be able to get social media? When should they be allowed to drive their friends? Unfortunately, these are all questions we can’t answer for you. There are solid, Christian parents on either side of all these issues. Instead of giving you a one size fits all answer, we want to take a moment to help you process HOW to make these decisions as opposed to WHEN you should make the decision.

Smart Phones

Phones have the power to do incredible things, but they also have the power to destroy everything you’ve worked to build in your child. At the same time, they are a part of life today. You can’t run from them anymore than you can run from the wind. We can’t give you an age that its “safe” to have them (39? Maybe?), but we would suggest a phased approach, no matter the age you settle on. Don’t give them unfiltered access right off the bat. Make rules about screen time. Consider making a rule that phones aren’t allowed in bedrooms. Have “phone free” windows during the day, or after a certain time at night. Consider starting them with a phone that doesn’t have internet access. The older they get, the more freedom you give. This approach will help protect them in their early years, but also lay a foundation for appropriate usage in their teenage years.

Social Media

Social Media might be the thing that scares most parents about cell phones in general. Most of today’s parents didn’t really have social media till college, other than maybe MySpace! (what a time that was) You are old enough to see the dangers of social media, but also recognize the good things. How can parents help our kids see both? What if we made this decision based less on their physical age, and more on their emotional and relational maturity? Based less on how many of their friends have it and more on the strength of their foundational identity? Is there a way to ease them into social media? Could we set up mother/daughter or father/son hang outs the few weeks prior to giving them social media to talk about it, almost like a mini training session? Those are just some ideas.

Other

When it comes to any other decisions about what age our kids should be allowed to do something. It seems the best advice we can find continues to suggest it should be less about a certain age, and more about the individual child. Picking an age is an EASY way to make a decision, but it’s not in the best. The best way is the HARD way, to have consistent, intentional conversations with your child. To give them opportunities to practice these freedoms while still being supervised. “Ripping off the band aid” is the wrong plan when it comes to this conversation. Know your child, set clear boundaries, give them a chance to practice under supervision, and then talk about it on the back end. “What went well? How did that impact you? How can I help you?” Have them articulate what they’ve learned and ways they can improve. This will help them take ownership of it.

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