Note: These pages are a list of topics that parents have asked for help navigating. These are not necessarily meant to be conversations that you should have with your kid/teen, but more helpful as you navigate parenting in general. These are designed to start the conversation, not answer ever issue that might surround it. Do more research! Follow up these ideas with a conversation with another trusted parent. Our goal is to start the conversation and help point you in the right direction. The goal is not to give you all the answer!

In the church, we often talk about marriage. In fact, almost everything we do at church is centered around the family. What happens when that family splits... DIVORCE. This word carries heavy impact, I can speak from experience. My parents are divorced. It’s something I had to bring up in premarital counseling before getting married. Maybe the Bible talks about marriage so often because it’s the hardest relationship we will have on earth? There would be much to write about divorce in general, but we want to talk about how it impacts the kids that get caught in the middle and how parents can lead them through it, and in it.

While you can’t change the past, you can change the present. As a parent, you can’t control the other parent, but you can control yourself. We teach our kids to “control what you can control, and don’t worry about the rest.” However, when it comes to our kids, “worry” is just what we do, but the principle doesn’t change. All you can do is the best with your current situation. Not the past and not the future, it’s the present that matters.

Helping Kids navigate divorce.

Divorce affects the whole family. Kids feel the effects of divorce, but depending on their age, they may not realize all that is happening. How do you help your elementary age kid navigate this situation? Let’s talk about it. 1) Be honest. They don’t need every detail, but they need the truth. 2) Do not to compare nor talk negatively about your ex. This will be HARD. Find ways to champion your former spouse. They are a HUGE voice in your child’s life. It might not feel like it at times, but remember they have qualities that you fell in love with at one point! Talk about the good more than the bad! 3) As far as it depends on you, work with your ex to establish parenting goals for the sake of your kids. Step away from your own feelings and emotions towards them in order to do what’s best for your kids. 4) Help your kids understand that while it might feel like everything is changing in their lives, Jesus is still present, He’s still good, and He’s still holding them together.  

Helping teens navigate divorce.

When my parent’s divorced, I was in high school and all I wanted to do is get away from the situation. What helped me was finding someone to talk to. Make this happen!!! This could be a coach, teacher, counselor, pastor, small group leader, etc. As they get older, the time with your teen becomes more limited. Use the time you have with them to help build strong relationships. You might feel like you’re losing them, but the most important thing will be making sure they are connected to Godly relationships that aren’t dependent on whose house they are at that weekend. At this age they might act tough around you, as if the divorce doesn’t affect them, but it does! There’s a good chance they won’t share that with you but will another key adult in their life.

Parenting is hard. Co-parenting is hard. Single parenting is hard. Lead them to Jesus! Your kids will see that and it’ll be the lasting impact you instill in them.

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