We are hoping to help you have these conversations with your kids and students. These are meant to be “best practices” but every situation is different. Hopefully these thoughts can help you as you navigate tricky conversations at home.

1 Corinthians 10:23-24 “’I have the right to do anything,’ you say—but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’—but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.” The majority of resources surrounding this conversation seek to prevent teenagers from using drugs and alcohol through fear-based methods. While this method does have its time and place, we want to suggest that this is a poor place to start. Like many other conversations, parents are often reactive. The first time we talk about this with our kids is when we find a vape in their room or find out that they drank at a friend’s house. Instead of reacting, what if we were proactive in the way we talked about these things? What if we laid the ground work, so that fear based parenting was a last resort? Here’s some tips on how to have this conversation with three different groups:

Group #1 – Elementary Kids

Teachable moments are huge!! When your child asks why they can’t have that drink that you are drinking, or asks why there is smoke coming out of the mouth of that person. The easy thing to do is blow it off and say, “That’s something only adults can do.” However, it would be better to take advantage of their curiosity and explain WHY only adults are supposed to do those things. Take a moment to explain the risks and why they can be destructive. Also, acknowledge why people use them. Tell them the truth! The point is, lean into the teachable moment!

Group #2 – Teenagers who have not used drugs, alcohol, vapes, etc. 

In this age group we can’t sit and wait for the teachable moment. It’s time to address it directly. Here are a few points to hit… 1) 1 Corinthians 10:23-24. Connect this conversation to other similar conversations: Ie: you can ride a motorcycle without a helmet, but it’s a bad idea. You can eat only sugar, but it won’t end well. Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should. 2) Tell the truth, drugs/alcohol/vaping, might feel good for a moment, but it’s a slippery slope. 3) You will be tempted. 4) Speak from personal lessons that you’ve learned the hard way. 5) BONUS THOUGHT: This one might be bold for some... Consider abstaining from these substances WITH your teenager for this season of their lives. You want to prove to your kids that alcohol should be used responsibly? Tell them you’re going to give it up until they are also at an age they can drink responsibly. That’ll make a big statement!

Group #3 – Teenagers who have been caught participating in drug, alcohol, or vape use.

GRACE AND TRUTH. GRACE AND TRUTH! Some parents will drop the hammer, and that may be important, but don’t leave grace at the door. Some parents will give a free pass, and a pass may be important, but don’t leave truth at the door. Tip: Take a minute to gather yourself before you address your teenager, if possible. The key will be to judge if your teenager is repentant of their actions. Do they understand why their actions were wrong? Failure is often to the best teacher. On the other hand, if they see nothing wrong with what they’ve done, discipline might be appropriate. Remember the punishment should match the crime. Smoking a vape is different than getting a DUI. During punishment help them process the reasons for it and force them to Lean on Godly adults in their lives! Some of the best punishment I’ve ever seen for teenagers is forced weekly time with a mentor.

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