We are hoping to help you have these conversations with your kids and students. These are meant to be “best practices” but every situation is different. Hopefully these thoughts can help you as you navigate tricky conversations at home.

1)    Tell the truth: You might come across the desire to censor the truth because the truth is often very rated R, dark, and depressing. Mass shootings, suicides, cancer, etc. The list goes on and on. If you don’t give them the truth, they will find a version of it somewhere else. Depending on their age, they might not need to know every detail, but they need to know the truth. The older they get, the more you should unwrap the details.

2)    Don’t tell them how to feel: Don’t be surprised if they have a total breakdown, and don’t be surprised if they brush it off all together. That doesn’t mean they aren’t processing. Some pitfalls are saying things like “Why aren’t you upset about this?!” or “Don’t cry, it’s going to be okay!”. There is a good chance they are upset, but teenagers are professional fakers. Also, crying is often a great response, and it might not “be okay”. Don’t be surprised if you’re surprised by their emotional response, or lack thereof. That doesn’t mean that the truth (#1) you told them, or talked with them about, isn’t finding its way to their head and their heart.

3)    Make space: Teenagers throw their walls up faster than you can count to two. In a perfect world, you could give them some time and a little space to approach you about the subject. If they approach you, they are giving you the green light to tell them the truth. Sometimes this isn’t a reality. If you need to approach them directly, don’t call a family meeting. Don’t sit them down in their room. Those are last resort tactics, and their walls will surely be a mile high before you get a word out. Instead, on the way home from school make a special trip to Starbucks and bring it up casually while waiting in the drive thru. Or maybe, go outside and throw a football after dinner. Ask them their thoughts about the situation, “Did you see this?” “Did you hear about this?” “What are your thoughts about…?” If you’re lucky, they will lead the conversation from there.

4)    Remind them of Jesus: #2 and #3 can be tricky and vague. But you can get #1 and #4 right EVERY SINGLE TIME. Tell them the truth and remind them of the hope that we have in Jesus. Evil is real. Hurt is real. Suffering is real. But Jesus is a professional at taking those things and using them for good. Jesus doesn’t cause the tragedy, but you better believe He wants to use it. Bad stuff happens in this world, but that doesn’t mean Jesus is distant. He’s closer than ever and He is raining down hope and peace in the middle of the storm. While in the storm, remember, the thunder and lightning can be scary, but the rain brings new life. Just because there is a storm doesn’t mean we should lose hope. It’s okay to hurt. It’s good to grieve. It’s good to lament. But always remind them that Jesus is good. The only caveat here is, don’t turn this into a sermon. A 2-3 sentence statement along the lines of this paragraph will carry more weight than you know. Too much preaching and they might not hear anything.

5)    Bonus Thought: Have other adults in their life who are echoing the same message you are at home. Lean on church small group leaders. Lean on teachers at school. Lean on older siblings. Lean on coaches. Lean on aunts and uncles that they look up to. Sometimes having someone not named Mom or Dad, can say the same words as Mom or Dad, but have a totally different impact.

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